The Funeral

A funeral, a celebration, a home going?  I was sure as the day is long, this was going to be the most horrendous, traumatic event.  But you know what?!  It wasn't....

The day was filled with love, friends, family and nonstop memories of my Dad.  I shed tears, I smiled and above all I realized that everyone saw my Dad exactly as I did and loved him so much.  He was so loved and appreciated by so many people.  Over and over I heard how he had helped people, laughed with people and cared about people.  In addition,  I can't begin to count how many times I heard people say to me, "Oh, he loved and adored you so much, he talked about you all the time, he was so proud of you!"  It warmed my heart. 

Something very near and dear to me was being able to get up and honor my Dad by speaking at his funeral.  I wasn't sure I could do it but the most amazing thing happened that day...I felt my Dad all around me.  He wrapped his arms around me, held me up and made me strong. 

I did this for him and I'm sharing it with you. 

A Daughter Needs a Dad……

A daughter needs a dad who will always have time to give her hugs and kisses, who doesn’t mind when she steps on his shoes while dancing and who will always make sure she has a place to come home to and who will never think she is too old to need him.   

**for instance, even now at the age of 35, dad would take the time to go out and patrol the pool and deck area for any spiders before I would arrive and have a panic attack**

A daughter needs a dad so she will know what it is like to be somebody’s favorite.

**There is nothing in the world like being a daddy’s girl and it is a title I hold with honor**

A daughter needs a dad to be the safe spot she can always turn to, to show her how it feels to be loved unselfishly, to be the standard against which she will judge all men and who will influence her life even when he isn’t with her.

A daughter needs a dad so that she will have at least one hero who will not let her down, to persevere through hardship and who will let her know that while she may not be the center of someone else’s world, she is the center of his. 

A daughter needs a dad to teach her what it means to always be there and teach her how things work, to show her how to fix her favorite things….or just pick up the phone and call Brian, who will make it all better b/c of the extensive HOW TO FIX EVERYTHING knowledge dad has transferred to him.    

A daughter needs a dad to show her that true love is unconditional and to help her find her way in life. 

A daughter needs a dad to learn that when he says it will be okay soon, it will.

A daughter needs a dad so that when no one else is there for her, she can close her eyes and see him. 

And Finally, a daughter needs a dad to make the complex simple and the painful bearable, to tell her that all is not hopeless, even when she feels it is and to join her journey when she is too afraid to walk alone. 

**I don’t yet know how to live or exist in a world without him, but I have to believe that he is surrounding me, will pick me up when I fall, drop little hints to guide me, and hopefully, remind me every day of how much I was loved.

 
I love you so much dad and I am so proud to be your daughter.  xoxo, Sam   

Nothing Left Unspoken

Have you ever held back anything and regretted it later?  What's the saying - woulda, coulda, shoulda?  One thing I know to be true in this wild, wacky world is there were absolutely no words left unspoken between my dad and me.  Dad knew exactly how much I loved and respected him as well as how grateful I was to be his daughter.  I don't believe there was ever a time I didn't say "I love you" before saying goodbye or giving him a hug before leaving the house. 

The last words we both said to each other were..."I love you!" 

Please don't let there be any woulda, coulda, shouldas in your life.  Happy Valentine's Day! <3


 

Dear Dad....today marks 5 months

Dear Dad,

Today marks 5 months since you were taken away from me.  I think about you every second of every single day.  I wish I could give you just one more hug and tell you I love you. 

It's a date on the calendar.  It's a day of the week.  It's the 13th, the anniversary of you passing away.  I now dread this date.  It's only a reminder of more time slipping away without you present in my life.

Where do I start?  I've got 5 months worth of stories, questions, laughter, tears and life to share with you.  So, here goes....

1.  I rocked Thanksgiving dinner..yet again!  Dinner was kick ass.  :)  We elected Brian to be the new turkey carver.  Of course, we brought up 2 years ago when you were carving the bird and cut right through the roaster pan allowing all the turkey juice to flow down the counter onto the floor (much the dog's delight).  I made a toast to you. 

2.  Zach, Taylor and I played scattergories after dinner.  We got a good giggle out of talking about playing with you a few years ago.  Remember as we went around the table saying our words aloud and we discovered you were coming up with words of an entirely different letter than what we were supposed to be using?!  And, Zach shouted out the word "jalapeno" for words begging with H? 

3.  Christmas sucked - plain and simple.  Wait - Zach, Taylor and Brian got me a GIANT, new, blue pooper scooper!!  You would've cracked up...I can hear your laugh. 

4.  Your grandpuppies are still crazy.  :)  Simon will be 14 years old this Saturday.  He's still got his spunky little personality, just a bit slower..I like to think of it as he takes his good ole time.  I've seen Max several times.  He lost weight!  No more people food, LOL.  He's doing really good Dad.  It's cute to see how he lounges in Brett's recliner with with his head resting on the arm just like he did with you. 

5.  My car isn't running right.  HELP?!

6.  I have to fight the urge to pick up the phone and call you everyday when I leave work. 

7.  Mom - enough said.  I'm so sorry for what you had to go through with her.  I'm sorry that I'm not able to hide my feelings anymore.  I feel a lot of anger towards her. 

8.  You'd be so proud of your grandkids!  Taylor's been accepted to Wittenberg and Bluffton.  Zach got his learners permit.  Michael got his license and Matthew got a 50% scholarship to McNicks!! 

9.  I'm sorry for thinking you didn't understand the uConnect phone system in the Jeep.  It is a pain in the ass!!  The dumb system never recognized who I was trying to call unless I resorted to speaking the number.  Thank you for dog-earing the page in the manual so I could figure out how to set it up. 

10.  Oh, I have been a nervous wreck about this burning smell in the house.  Per usual, I overreacted and immediately turned off the ceiling fans, unplugged my Sonicare toothbrush and all the wallflowers.  LOL, I finally think I figured out where the smell was coming from....it was the wreath with lights on it hanging on the front door!!  You know how hot my front door gets??  It's a million degrees when the sun is shining.  The smell happened on very sunny days and I happened to open the front door - the lights on the wreath were MELTING!!  The batteries that powered the lights were MELTING!!  You would've chuckled...I know you would've chuckled. 

11.  It's hard Dad.  It's really hard...life without you is hard. 

Love you - xoxo

It Takes a Village.....Ann

When Becky and I were pulling into the driveway of my parent's house the day after my Dad passed away, I made a phone call to my good friend, Ann.  As I was telling her what had happened, Ann immediately asked what she could do for me, did I want her to come down to stay with to her and I remembered what Becky told me - it's okay to lean on your friends...it's okay to say you need them.  I coyly glanced over at Becky and told Ann that I would really like it if she could come and stay with me. Ann was already juggling around her work schedule and commitments so she could be down with me the next day.   Hmm, Becky was right...it's okay to lean on your friends. 

You know the friends that have been in your life for years?  They are the ones that know everything about you and still like you regardless.  You can go a few months without talking but as soon as you do it's like no time has passed.  Ann, aka "Mickey", is that friend for me.  We were college roommates and partners in crime.  She's been there for me through the years even when I didn't know I needed her and this time was no different.  Ann stayed with me for 3 days after my Dad passed away.  She was by my side when my brothers and I met with the pastor to talk about Dad, helped me figure out what I would wear to the funeral and encouraged me while I wrote out what I wanted to say at the service. 

One of the best things about Ann is her ability to make me laugh.  And, I don't mean giggle or chuckle, I mean full on laugh so hard your belly hurts, eyes tear and your vision goes blurry because you can't catch your breath.  At a time when I needed to laugh just so I could stop crying, Ann gave me a dose of exactly what I needed!  The night she arrived, we had run out to get some dinner and had just gotten back to my house and I decided to put my "yard waste" bags out on the curb for pickup.  Ann ventured into my dark backyard to help.   As I was bending down to pick up a bag, she walked behind me and fell in a muddy hole that my dog had dug.  Did I mention she had flip flops on?  Oh she did!  Without even thinking, I said oh, Simon dug a hole, be careful and then I began laughing and literally couldn't stop for minutes!  By this time, we were both laughing so hard, I can't believe we didn't pass out.  Ann told me, "You need to put up orange cones or something around that pit!"  Now, I'm sure Ann didn't trip on purpose, but yet again, a friend provided me with exactly what I needed.  I needed...a laugh...a brief escape from the pain....a hilarious temporary distraction. 

Thanks Mickey - I love ya and there just aren't enough words to express how thankful I am for a friend like you!!