Love Bond

"F" is for Floyd and Fabulous, Forever Friends

My beautiful trio of friends gave me these amazing charms today.  The initial "F", which stands for my Dad's name, Floyd, and a gorgeous, red heart. 

Pam, Elizabeth and Lisa are my constant lunch buddies, shoulders to cry on, ears to talk off and a source of endless love and support to me. 

Honestly, I'd have been a lost soul without the love and support I received from these hip chicks throughout this past year after losing my Dad.  They've let me be me no matter what that meant....quiet, crying, laughing, sad, happy.....it didn't matter.  They let me be Sam. 

I <3 you guys to the moon and back!! 

My tears followed you

 

They say there are no tears in Heaven, but that must be wrong today.  Because you took part of my broken heart, when you went away.  I know my tears must have followed you, how else can it be?  My spirit feels broken because you are no longer here with me.  I cried to the Heavens, my tears fell like rain.  So, I know my tears must be in Heaven.  Things will never be the same.  They say someday I will accept your passing.  But right now, that can't be true, because part of me is in Heaven...see my tears....they followed you. 

The 12th "13th" - a year without Dad

On the eve of the year anniversary, I am here sitting outside on the patio.  It's a beautiful night much like that same one a year ago.  I remember everything like the back of my hand.  I was busy outside cleaning my car in preparation for an upcoming road trip to Connecticut when I heard my phone ringing.  I chose to ignore it because I had a to do list and I was sticking to it.  It wasn't until 45 minutes later that I would hear the message that started it all, "Sam, we're taking your Dad to the hospital.  I need you to come over!"

Never in my worst nightmare would it ever occur to me that in less than 24hrs from the time of that message, my dad would be gone forever. 



A "wise" person told me, "Take it ONE day at a time!"

On 9/13/11 at 11am, I walked into the hospital room to say goodbye to my Dad. 

Life since then has been a blur.  365 days of learning how to be, to exist and breath in a new reality....a reality without my Dad.  It's a delicate dance that is still a challenge for me today.  My heart is still broken, the smell of his cologne still brings tears to my eyes, the sound of his voice in a saved message can stop me in my tracks and still take my breath away.  I'm not to "happy" yet....

So it goes..."the first year is the hardest."  I've marked a year's worth of milestones along side my family without my Dad.  It's been a year of great things that he would've loved...oh, how he would've loved them.  His first grandchild's high school graduation, his 70th birthday, said grandchild's moving in day at college, his carving of the turkey at Thanksgiving. 

Life goes on day by day.  It's different now.  I know I will eventually learn to be genuinely happy again and thinking of Dad will evoke a smile rather than a tear.  I'm not there yet but I'll get there. 

What do I miss the most? I miss his voice, his laugh, his hugs...plain and simple - I miss him.

I love you Dad!  I'm so glad I got to be your daughter because now I know what it means to be truly loved....